At rehearsal.
Williams: You’ve got it all wrong, Fraser. I’m surprised after fourteen years in Quebec, your understanding of the power of language is so primitive.
Fraser: Language is like a suit of clothes. If you put an idiot in a high priced coat, you get a well-dressed idiot.
Williams: Language works from the inside. To speak French is to find a hidden side of oneself.
Fraser: If you’ve got something to hide, in which case you’re a hypocrite. But don’t blame it on the limitations of your mother tongue.
Williams: I’m not blaming my mother tongue. I’m simply suggesting that to learn a second language is to find a new and sometimes frightening door…to the soul. One can’t always know what one has to hide, Fraser Louis, what do you think?
Grandpré: Pardon?
Williams: The soul. Is language a means to uncovering the soul?
Fraser: He wasn’t listening to a word we said.
Enter Humphreys.
Humphreys: Good afternoon, fellow thespians.
Williams: Sir!
Humphreys: Ah! Major?
Fraser: Hello, Harry.
Humphreys: Well, well. Malcolm Fraser. One of General Wolfe’s finest, in the old days. What a pity you left.
Fraser: Well, I’m back.
Humphreys: To do the play.
Williams: Louis, je voudrais vous présenter mon oncle, le Colonel Humphreys. My mother’s sister’s husband. Nous ferons la pièce ensemble. Louis de Grandpré.
Humphreys: Mr. de Grandpré, I’ve heard so much about you. Monsignor Montgolfier tells me you were his prize student. And you gave up a brilliant career in the priesthood.
Awkward pause.
Humphreys: Well, welcome aboard. I’m very happy to have your participation in our little cultural endeavours. Now, what role do I play?
Pause.
Williams: Uncle is quite an accomplished actor.
Humphreys: Remember India?
Williams: The Duchess of Salisbury.
Humphreys: She Stoops to Conquer.
Williams: And Shakespeare.
Humphreys: You did say this one’s a comedy?
Williams: We tried Hamlet.
Humphreys: In Jamaica.
Williams: Disaster.
Humphreys: Too hot.
Williams: Too slow.
Humphreys: Too long.
Grandpré: Yes! Tartuffe is a comedy.
Humphreys: What part do I play?
Grandpré: Orgon. He owns the house in which the intrigue takes place.
Humphreys: Good.
Grandpré: Lieutenant MacKinnon plays your wife.
Humphreys: Oh.
Grandpré: And I play Tartuffe, an imposter who steals your wife, your daughter, and your house, under the pretext of saving your soul. Fraser: Assuming he has one.
Humphreys: May I see the play?
Humphreys flips through the play. Louis and Williams wait. It seems to take forever. Finally:
Humphreys: Très bien. Captain Williams, General Gage is coming up from New York next week to inspect the regiments. I’ll be quite busy for at least a month. In which case I shan’t be able to join in the fun before at least, say, Act III. Which seems to coincide with the first appearance of this monsieur Tartuffe.
Williams: You’d like to play Tartuffe, Sir?
Humphreys: General Gage. Commander-in-chief of the British forces in North America, Captain. Let us not lose sight of why we are here.
Williams: But Sir, the play was Louis’ idea. The role of Tartuffe is—
Grandpré: Please!… Le colonel Humphreys en Tartuffe. Et pourquoi pas?
Humphreys: …If you insist.
Grandpré: Je vous en prie.