Where in Canada: If Settings had TripAdvisor Reviews

A lot of books send characters outside of their usual stomping grounds: it’s often what drives their own development (and the plot, besides). But how would their new settings rate on websites like Yelp or TripAdvisor, where reviewers are famous for being overly enthusiastic, excessively uncharitable, or downright bizarre? We’ve imagined what the plethora of reviewers just might have to say about a few books on All Lit Up (typos [sic]).

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A lot of books send characters outside of their usual stomping grounds: it’s often what drives their own development (and the plot, besides). But how would their new settings rate on websites like Yelp or TripAdvisor, where reviewers are famous for being overly enthusiastic, excessively uncharitable, or downright bizarre? We’ve imagined what the plethora of reviewers just might have to say about a few books on All Lit Up (typos [sic]).**NOTE: These reviews bring no bearing on the actual quality of these reads – we can assure you they’re all great. In fact, can you think of a CanLit classic experience that wouldn’t have a negative TripAdvisor review?
Treasure Island Lodge
by Alexis von Konigslow (Wolsak & Wynn)
User: stella335
How do I know everyone here?
4/5 stars
“Great resort in Prince Edward County, Ontario. Went visiting with my husband and two kids (6 and 4), delighted in atmosphere.However, and I know this sounds weird, but felt like I knew everyone lol. Like they were somehow connected to me and affecting my life’s path. I kno, SO WEIRD RIGHT? lolSo anyways went to the managers office to complain about it and they had a Marx Brothers poster, when always been more of a Three Stooges fan.But beautiful scenery! And great kugel! Would come back.” *** 
Van, on the way to Denver, Colorado
by Chris Craddock, based on the novel by Miriam Toews (Signature Editions)
User: winnipeg_gal0_O
i’ve made a huge mistake
2/5 stars
“Free ride to Denver they said. It would be fun they said.I’ve been on a road trip in this junker van with two ladies yammering their heads off about Gotcha, Gotcha, Gotcha. What do they keep “getting each other” about??? Plus there’s so many kids in here I feel like it might as well be a school bus. Next time I go to Denver, I’ll just mail myself.I’m sitting on a G.I. Joe. At least I hope that’s what it is.Two stars for the other, non-Gotcha conversations going down. Eavesdroppers’ paradise.” *** 
Literary Tour Groups Inc. Brussels…or is it Montreal?
by Bertrand Laverdure, translated by Oana Avasilichioaei (BookThug)
 
User: Victor_is_mine
WTF is happening
1/5 stars
“I love literature as much as the next guy, so when I saw that a literary tour group had a last-minute opening at a deep discount, I went for it.The word for what I saw can’t be expressed in polite company. I kept seeing a man with a wooden leg and a chocolate arm passed out all over the place. There’s garbage and detritus everywhere.Finally, someone in my tour group was offered a present by a Smurf mascot (I don’t even), and it exploded in their faces.I at least thought I could get a tumblr photopost out of it, but all my pictures are now © the Universal Bureau of Copyrights. I don’t know what that means.Worst. Tour. Ever.”