Love Week: Notes on Marriage from the Contributors of Love Me True

What does it mean to be married in the twenty-first century? Why do it? Why not do it? The answers to these questions are as varied as the people we asked – for some, the first response was a sigh. Were we looking for stories about tulle and lace, and pretty little bridesmaids – and groomsmen – all in a row? Or did we want to go deeper? (This, with a note of challenge in the voice.) Yes, we wanted deeper. And when we began assembling the works that came in, we were amazed by the myriad situations that life throws at people, and by the humour and courage that sustains them. Some wrote about avoiding or escaping the bonds of marriage, some about ambivalence, and others about the solace and companionship it gives them despite the inevitable sorrows and struggles. Although we can’t quote all forty-five of our contributors here, some of them did offer a few pithy words to describe marriage and divorce. Here’s what they came up with. As with the book, they fall, more or less into categories.

The Journey:

Getting married is a win/win situation; if it doesn’t work out you can always get a divorce. –Susan MusgraveGetting married is something other people do. –Miranda PearsonGetting married is like getting on a bus in a foreign country when you don’t know where the bus is going. –Luanne Armstrong 

Lakes:

Getting married is diving into a deep, muddy lake filled with sharp rocks, snapping turtles, and giant leeches. – Donna BeselMarriage is a lake. When all is well, the surface is smooth, keeping its secrets, reflecting back only the faces of those who pass by. When a marriage is troubled, the waters are broken and hidden things rise from the depths that even strangers can see. –Rachel Rose 

Wildlife:

Getting married is like injecting an elephant with botox. –Monica MeneghettiMarriage is not for pachyderms – Monica MeneghettiMarriage is two hyenas fighting over a tiny bone. – Donna BeselMarriage is a teddy bear made of barbed wire. – Luanne Armstrong 

Metaphysics?

Getting married is like looking forward to forever.  Marriage is discovering forever is a long time. – Lesley BuxtonMarriage is the third entity sitting at your table, lying in your bed. Some days you welcome it, other days you wish it would just go home. – Tana Runyan 

Gravity:

Getting married is like jumping off a cliff. Marriage is like finding your way up from the bottom of the cliff, asking “What were we thinking?” –Anne SimpsonMarriage is like learning to two-step on a raft going over rapids. –Lorri Neilsen Glenn 

Divorce: 

The leading cause of divorce is getting married. –Eufemia FantettiDivorce is like operating a high-speed food processor with the lid off. – Donna BeselDivorce is the enabling partner of Marriage. – Monica MeneghettiDivorce is like tearing your skin open to discover you have another body inside. –Ronna Bloom

Finally: in two words what does marriage mean to you?

Semi-automatic  – Susan MusgraveNot much  – Miranda PearsonDueling egos – Donna BeselCrazy faith. – Anne SimpsonSupporting patriarchy – Monica MeneghettiBravery and insanity – Lesley Buxton* * *Thanks so much to Fiona and Jane for this introduction to Love Me True (and to the contributors for their candid answers, here!). Thanks also to Michael at Caitlin for making the connection. For more All Lit Up Love Week, click here.